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life.life.life= Crazy.fun.&stress.

It's been awhile, but life has been busy.
I went to vegas for a day, out of the blue.
Have done numerous art projects.
Am stressing out over the fact that I have 21 more pots to make and only a week to do them in.
Looking at houses for next year with a friend.
Had springbreak that seemed almost wasteful.
Can't wait for my 19th birthday that is in less than 2 weeks.
Still can't wait for summer to come.
Love being an art major. again.
Want to make a difference in the world, so I still want to become a dr.
Love supporting Invisible children and other foundations like it, because it inspires me to make change.
Almost runnied my future relationship with a boy, but am still waiting on it.
Miss my mom, dad and dog... and I guess my sibblings ;]
&& can't wait for the mail to bring me 3 different things from different parts of the world.

Life is good, stressful and overbaring, but I'm making it through my last month of college.
After that it's homeward bound and back to job hunting and getting into the volunteer program at the hospital.

Oh and there will be a few fun adventures before the month is over.
my birthday
and disney world.
Just wait for it.
The posting should be good and a year look back at what I've done in my 18th year of life.
I love you all.


New Blog. New Update.

I made a blog strictly for my life as a pre med student. I thought it would be fun and then I could avoid boring you all with strictly medical talk. ;]
I most likely will still update here a lot about pre med life, but if you want to just read about my pre med life strictly the link is: http://a-pre-med-girl.blogspot.com/
enjoy. ;]

Bruised & confused?

I watch my pup she's concentrated, I just want to write and make up a life I wish to live. waiting, waiting, anticipating, it makes me put the rest of my life on pause.
I am horrible, I am sweet.
I can't make up my mind and if he's worth my time.
Make it stop, make up my mind.
Let me pull the talent and find beauty within.
stomach ache, heart break.
a turbin and no makeup appear to be the fashion of today.
I give in, I'll check again and if not soon I will find my way back to creating.

Out of circut.

I've let my life fall from the pages.a month without it.A month to prove how horrible I am as a friend.A month to find new things, try to fall in love and try to get my path clear.I'm here for good. Art. Music. words. Letters are to be sent out and apologies to be found. I think that the future could be altered with the words I write in the form of letters, but a year and six months will show.I'm not sure why I was drawn back and I'm not sure what to say. I think I'll get on top of what has come to pass later, but for now I leave to let you wonder.

This empty room brought to pass a decision

In this state where the bed is my one and only for the day I've done some reading up on things
and in my state of wanting change I've decided that I'm finally going to go for something I've been thinking about doing for the past year or so.
drum roll

I've decided to become vegetarian.

Go ahead. gasp all you want, but I believe this will help me on many levels and heck I've been wanting to try it for a long time so why not? The only reason I don't think I did before was because I was too scared of making a deal out of it at home, because well:
1. My mom makes the most amazing meals and to start refusing to eat them would be a crime and I think I would feel horrible.
2. My family would most likely call me crazy well at least the siblings would. They don't really understand how I tick all the time and would really pull all the strings.
3. It would make a big conflict at the dinner table and anytime we went out.

Now that I'm living on my own this shouldn't effect anyone but me, unless I go home that is and when I do go home we'll just have to see how it all plays out.

I don't eat much meat now, so I think the transition stage will be quiet easy.. but who knows. the lost boys might pull the rug on that one.
I mean last night I did eat one of Jared's pork chops. So me being all like no more meat out of nowhere might not go over too well..

Other changes i want will most likely not come to pass..
1. A tattoo on my left wrist and palm
2. drinking coffee

3. has already happened so I guess it has come to pass.

Oh and another change that I've pulled off lately, I dyed my hair dark brown.
I'll post some pictures bellow.
lj won't let me upload at the moment so I've posted a link to one photo of me with my new hair, it's not the best for show of me with the hair, but it will have to do for now.

Let me know what you think of all this changy stuff, love the new coming forth Jess or
hate it.
Let the words spill from your mouths in declaration of how you feel.
I want to know. Don't spare me. ;]



"I swim for brighter days despite the absence of sun, chokin on salt water. I'm not giving in. Swim."

I'm in a slump that never seems to stay away. It comes round and round in a circular motion like the clock that ticks and remains to go back to 1.
The big brother I've named my own, becomes worried because he understands where I am now. Stubborn and stupid I keep it inside myself, letting it wash over me until I can breath normally. I become consumed by the current but escape before I sink too low.
It's just another one of those dumb down days where you can't find the light. I know I'll be ok though, tomorrow will come and it will be bright.
So don't read this and worry because today I will swim, swim with the knowledge of a better, brighter day.
Just let me tread this emotion and keep to myself and you'll see, all will be set right as soon as I become tired and wash up on shore.

life is beautiful. let these dark currents wash over me. Tomorrow will be bright.



here and now that statement rings true as ever.
I miss my lost boys already.
Today was too much fun even with a headache. :]
I'll post more later. right now i'm going lay in bed with my hot coco and watch indy..
embrace the lonelyness of being in a room with two other girls I don't fully relate with.

I'll try to find the words.

The early morning alarm wakes me from my few hours sleep.
The recurrence of this is frequent as I find the clock inside me ticking differently.
4 floors of knocks and hellos, staring down into the toilet bowl. The pay and the respect for my parents is all that keeps me here, and so I get up each morning defying my bodies will.
The hours pass marking time for pay, I drive back to my place with an hour to embrace.
walking slowly now down the chilled pathway the fortune stares at me face to face. I pass by without a second glance and then start to wonder what fortune I may have passed. The hour passes and I'm back to the path but the fortune gone along with the crinkled remains of autumns breath.
Crashing to the bed I fall down deep more hours pass and a guilty relief as I find I have missed something while I kept so asleep. I keep it to myself ashamed of others words. pulling myself from that sleep I cling dear to I disappear for a few more hours.
Sitting here now most of this all seems a blur because nothing seems to matter when sleep can not be found anymore.
The coco steams and my eyes start to blur maybe it's time for my rest to overcome.

I'm slowly coming back to were my heart can spill, but it will take sometime.
until another day where sleep is found I retire to a place where I can lay my head.

word play. all day.

Ever since I dipped my toes back into the pool of writing, my head has been spinning with word play. Thinking constant on what I could say how to make my life flow out into a pool, a pool of words sought after as a masterpiece.
I'm not sure where to start with it all, but I think if I take my time it will sort itself out and become what I want it to be.

until then. I'll just let these words bubble underneath my skin.
It should be ready for a run tonight, but we shall see.


ps. I was thinking about creating a new journal.. I've grown up so much since I created this one and the name doesn't fit anymore, there will always be the sense that this is the journal I grew up with, but if I linked the two and made a new one full of part two? would that work? i'm not sure. let me know your thoughts on that.

Searching for my resolution.

A girl once told me I'd be searching, searching for my own resolution. Maybe not for the same thing that I am now searching for, but I search for it ever more.
I used to write in words, words that expressed my every whim, flowing from my hands to the page. It was like milk and honey. Sweet but still stubborn.
I search for that now, and for how my mind used to be; at ease for it could rest on wishful thoughts other than this harsh reality. I've taken a break it's true, but I find my self stumbling onto the path I knew I would always follow. I wasn't meant for the crowds and the norm of every other girl. I don't belong & I my heart knows that. This defying of my own freedom rings loud for all to hear, letting even those who call for me to be another face in this crowd of nowhereness know, that I will not bow down to the abnormal of me.
Inspiration has hit me, don't stop me now.
I leave with just a few words, but hope for a tomorrow filled with more.
-Jess *